 "Photo: www.addictinggames.com/unrealflash2007.html")
 "Photo: www.addictinggames.com/unrealflash2007.html")
 "Photo: www.addictinggames.com/unrealflash2007.html")
 "Photo: www.addictinggames.com/unrealflash2007.html")
The spacesuit is hot, humid, and uncomfortable. Morale is low. Rations, sparse. I've got one tube left of green energy goo: better save it. My back is against the wall, waiting, looking for some scumbag to make his move. I'll be ready for him.
It's not too much later when the party arrives. Space zombies, robots, and mercenaries hell-bent on staining these narrow steel corridors with the blood of my teammates and I advance on my position. I take aim and fire, multiple shots, right for the jugular.
"YOU SONOFABITCH!!!!" I'm screaming, all fury, brimstone and carnage. There's too many of them; clearly, I'm not getting out of this alive.
After respawning, I'm back in the thick of the action. Beautiful, sweet savory mayhem. I will have my revenge. Cue insidious laughter.
I'll regularly browse the "Addicting Games" website for some creative and mindless ways to squander time otherwise spent doing something potentially meaningful. That's where I came across the online version of Unreal Tournament, "Unreal Flash 2007." I'm crossing my fingers for an '08 edition.
You can find it here: www.addictinggames.com/unrealflash2007.html
If you're familiar at all with the Unreal Tournament franchise, then you're already ahead of me. As my poorly limited memory serves me on the subject, I think I played it once. UT games are multiplayer first person shooters. The flash version is two dimensional, and the graphics are slightly above par for this kind of fare.
Whatever future-space war is going on, you're pitted with a handgun and a few teammates (with brilliant monikers such as "YourDad") in any one of seven different scenarios: team deathmatch, capture the flag, last man standing, etc. Controls are designed for the simpleton in mind, you point and click to shoot. Look around for better guns on your way to blast-happy shootouts with the AI, or you're likely to end up in pieces.
I still can't put my finger on what makes this game so addicting. Perhaps it's the ease at which I've been able to acquire a feel for the gameplay, doling out vengeance for sport. Perhaps it's that primal appeal of being the badass, and an even bigger badass once you take out the other badasses in the level. In any case, they've got me hook, line, and sinker.
They've included some cheats that you can access, and a simple walkthrough. It's not much, but it's a nice touch. You can change music during gameplay, though the choices they provide are rather unimpressive, and repetitive. Biggest "WTF?" moment: Ronald McDonald as an unlockable character.
Unreal Flash is not terribly sophisticated, but it's held my attention for longer than I'd care to admit. Though it's no substitute for a social life, it's a welcome distraction from classwork if you just so happen to have an internet browser open.
In what has probably been the least productive day of my life, I've ascended to the 20th and last level only to face a boss as insurmountable as God himself. Just as well, I'd better get back to work.
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