2008 Woodie Awards
Pull up your blasted pants.
You look like a fool with your pants hanging low.
Lance Park
Issue date: 3/21/07 Section: Opinion
Warning: This article might offend guys who think their "unique" fashion sense represents who they are and what they are about. If you read this article and feel that way? Too bad, that doesn't make you any less stupid.
This is directed at all the guys out there who like to wear their pants at about mid-thigh level or lower. You know who you are.
You look like a cro-magnon fool. Stop acting like a meathead, and pull up your blasted pants before you make a bigger fool of yourself than you already are.
Now, maybe for some people this isn't some sort of fashion statement. Maybe they just haven't found an instrument or tool capable of keeping those pants up. Maybe you just can't figure out your pants size and thus get bigger ones that don't really fit, but it's what you can afford. Well folks, there is a brilliant invention that became available in the 1800's that fixes this problem right quick; it's called a belt.
How this "belt" contraption works is thus: it's a long strip of a material, leather usually, with a buckle. It works with those loops built on the hip section of your pants, of which you feed the belt through until it comes back around to the front, and then you feed it back into the buckle and secure it tightly. When this is properly done, the pants will stay above the thigh-line and you will look more intelligent than you did with them hanging down.
This isn't directed at any particular race because people from about every race are guilty of this stupidity, but if you consider this low-hanging pants thing to be a part of your culture, identity, or a form of self-expression? You need to not say it out loud, because all it will do is make you sound as stupid as you look with those jeans that low. No intelligent person could ever consider such a ridiculous "fashion" (I use the term loosely) to be popular.
On this same note, the girls are guilty of a pants related crime too: get the right size. You may think squeezing your body into a smaller pair of pants is 'sexy', but this is simply not true. On women that are fat or even big boned, it's just an eyesore and outright unnattractive, bordering on grotesque. I'd prefer a woman who wears the right size in pants that hug the curves just right instead of squeezes them to bulges.
So, to everyone out there: Pull up your pants, and make sure to wear the right one's. It's smarter, more fashionable, and sexy.
Note: The views expressed in this article may or may not represent the views of the entire Tempest Staff. They are mine, and mine alone. If you have any complaints or such, submit your letters to the Tempest.
This is directed at all the guys out there who like to wear their pants at about mid-thigh level or lower. You know who you are.
You look like a cro-magnon fool. Stop acting like a meathead, and pull up your blasted pants before you make a bigger fool of yourself than you already are.
Now, maybe for some people this isn't some sort of fashion statement. Maybe they just haven't found an instrument or tool capable of keeping those pants up. Maybe you just can't figure out your pants size and thus get bigger ones that don't really fit, but it's what you can afford. Well folks, there is a brilliant invention that became available in the 1800's that fixes this problem right quick; it's called a belt.
How this "belt" contraption works is thus: it's a long strip of a material, leather usually, with a buckle. It works with those loops built on the hip section of your pants, of which you feed the belt through until it comes back around to the front, and then you feed it back into the buckle and secure it tightly. When this is properly done, the pants will stay above the thigh-line and you will look more intelligent than you did with them hanging down.
This isn't directed at any particular race because people from about every race are guilty of this stupidity, but if you consider this low-hanging pants thing to be a part of your culture, identity, or a form of self-expression? You need to not say it out loud, because all it will do is make you sound as stupid as you look with those jeans that low. No intelligent person could ever consider such a ridiculous "fashion" (I use the term loosely) to be popular.
On this same note, the girls are guilty of a pants related crime too: get the right size. You may think squeezing your body into a smaller pair of pants is 'sexy', but this is simply not true. On women that are fat or even big boned, it's just an eyesore and outright unnattractive, bordering on grotesque. I'd prefer a woman who wears the right size in pants that hug the curves just right instead of squeezes them to bulges.
So, to everyone out there: Pull up your pants, and make sure to wear the right one's. It's smarter, more fashionable, and sexy.
Note: The views expressed in this article may or may not represent the views of the entire Tempest Staff. They are mine, and mine alone. If you have any complaints or such, submit your letters to the Tempest.
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