2008 Woodie Awards
Enough with the gas
Rising gas prices? Our wallets are screaming!
Lance Park
Issue date: 4/2/08 Section: Opinion
I'm sure all drivers have had this moment: You're driving along and glance at the gas tank indicator. Whoops, it's close to empty! You'd better get to a gas station before you run out. So you find one, pull in, and see the price of gas at $3.50 or more. You just groan, and pony up what little money you had…and you find you don't have enough to fill it up.
Folks, you can thank your oil companies for raping and pillaging your wallet. Thank them for bending our economy over the hood of a car and having its way with us because they know we run on gasoline, literally, so they have a death-grip on the consumers dangly bits.
What ungodly amount are we paying now at the gas pump? Around $3.50 a pop, and it won't be getting any lower; it'll hit $4 a gallon soon enough. This is ridiculous and the oil companies aren't going to stop either. Why would they? They've probably got a money bin that Scrooge McDuck would be jealous of, with Exxon alone making $40.6 billion dollars in 2007. Forty billion dollars; I bet Exxon swims through their money bin stark naked.
Wait, it gets better: The biggest britches in oil made a larcenous $1.4 trillion in revenue for 2007. That's trillion with a T; doesn't that just make you want to throw up in disgust or kick someone in their naughty parts? You know who we need to kick in the naughty parts (and the face a few times too.)
What the next president of the United States of America needs to address is government intervention to keep the oil companies from ravaging America's wallet. Gas prices keep skyrocketing so consumer good prices have to go up to pay for the increased costs of transporting said goods… you see the stupidity of this cycle? This isn't a paradox; there is a definitive point of origin as to what started what. How long can our economy support itself? How long until we hit a debilitating depression that cripples us? It needs to stop; the government needs to stop this.
What do we do to keep this from happening again, however, after the government steps in? Well, I implore the innovators, the scientists, the engineers of America, make a cheap, affordable car that runs on electricity, water, corn syrup, grapefruit juice, peanuts, whatever. I don't care what it runs on as long as it isn't gasoline or oil. If we can make a computer small enough to fit in a damn manila envelope, or an iPod that's also a bloody phone/internet browser/kitchen sink, we should damn well be able to make an affordable mode of transportation that won't make our wallets scream in agony. We can make tungsten rod missiles that can cut a block out of a city, but we can't make a car that'll run on water? We have vast quantities of water at our disposable; veritable seas' of the stuff!
So let's look forward to the future; either gas prices will be lowered by hook or crook, or it's just going to be ravaging as usual.
Folks, you can thank your oil companies for raping and pillaging your wallet. Thank them for bending our economy over the hood of a car and having its way with us because they know we run on gasoline, literally, so they have a death-grip on the consumers dangly bits.
What ungodly amount are we paying now at the gas pump? Around $3.50 a pop, and it won't be getting any lower; it'll hit $4 a gallon soon enough. This is ridiculous and the oil companies aren't going to stop either. Why would they? They've probably got a money bin that Scrooge McDuck would be jealous of, with Exxon alone making $40.6 billion dollars in 2007. Forty billion dollars; I bet Exxon swims through their money bin stark naked.
Wait, it gets better: The biggest britches in oil made a larcenous $1.4 trillion in revenue for 2007. That's trillion with a T; doesn't that just make you want to throw up in disgust or kick someone in their naughty parts? You know who we need to kick in the naughty parts (and the face a few times too.)
What the next president of the United States of America needs to address is government intervention to keep the oil companies from ravaging America's wallet. Gas prices keep skyrocketing so consumer good prices have to go up to pay for the increased costs of transporting said goods… you see the stupidity of this cycle? This isn't a paradox; there is a definitive point of origin as to what started what. How long can our economy support itself? How long until we hit a debilitating depression that cripples us? It needs to stop; the government needs to stop this.
What do we do to keep this from happening again, however, after the government steps in? Well, I implore the innovators, the scientists, the engineers of America, make a cheap, affordable car that runs on electricity, water, corn syrup, grapefruit juice, peanuts, whatever. I don't care what it runs on as long as it isn't gasoline or oil. If we can make a computer small enough to fit in a damn manila envelope, or an iPod that's also a bloody phone/internet browser/kitchen sink, we should damn well be able to make an affordable mode of transportation that won't make our wallets scream in agony. We can make tungsten rod missiles that can cut a block out of a city, but we can't make a car that'll run on water? We have vast quantities of water at our disposable; veritable seas' of the stuff!
So let's look forward to the future; either gas prices will be lowered by hook or crook, or it's just going to be ravaging as usual.
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